Your rights as a father do not enforce themselves, and in Oklahoma you have to claim them. It’s a story all too common: mom is gatekeeping your access to your child. She is concerned that you won’t know what to do if you’re alone with them. She says you’re distracted when you should be spending time with your children. She doesn’t feel comfortable being away from the child for so long. All these excuses, with one single outcome: kids don’t get to see their fathers.
It can get worse. Mom continues to cut you out of your child’s life, and after a few years of seeing your children less and less, you get a call from Oklahoma Human Services. Mom has created a case for child support. Now they’re telling you that you have to pay $600 a month, and you owe “back pay,” whatever that is, and that back pay total is an extra $20,000. Now they’re garnishing your checks, but you still don’t get expanded rights to see your kid. What can you do?
Here are the rules, and they bend for no one, no matter how unfair it seems. Knowing them helps you know what to do, and why you should do it.
A Father’s Rights
Oklahoma divides fathers into 2 broad categories: fathers with children born into a marriage, and fathers with children born outside of a marriage (out of wedlock). When a child is born to a married woman, the husband is presumed to be the father of the child. 10 O.S. §§ 7700-201, 7700-204. That cuts both ways, however, so if a mother carries a child of an affair, the husband could be on the hook for that child unless legal action is taken. 10 O.S. §§ 7700-303, 7700-608. A father of a child born of the marriage has significant rights to the child, including the presumption of equal access and decision-making, all rights that a mother has to the child, and the legal obligation to support the child.
A father who is on the minor child’s birth certificate “shall give the unmarried mother and biological father equal rights and obligations to the child.” 63 O.S. § 1-311(D). When there is no father on the birth certificate, “the mother of a child born out of wedlock has custody of the child until determined otherwise by a court.” 10 O.S. § 7800. For dads, what does this mean? It means that if you are on the birth certificate, you have equal rights to a child compared to the mother. If you are not, however, you do not have rights to your child until you file for paternity or child support. What are the real-world implications of this? Practically, a mom can call the police on a father not on the birth certificate and have the police remove the child from dad’s custody. This happens far more than you think. Additionally, a father may be denied access to medical or school records.
How Do I Claim My Rights?
This may seem self-serving, but get an attorney for any paternity or custody dispute. Even if you and your ex are in agreement on everything, it is best to have someone in your corner who will explain the legal process. Fathers can significantly limit their liability and improve their legal position the sooner they get an attorney and understand what steps they need to take. Paternity cases can become complicated and confusing quagmires if you try to go it alone.
That being said, how do you claim your rights? It depends on whether you were married to the mother when the child was born. If you were, you are presumed to be the father, and your rights are decided in a divorce or custody case. If you were not, you file your custody case, which begins by establishing paternity. Courts in paternity cases will do several things, including adjudicating your paternity (which gives you a legal obligation to the child that cannot be easily undone), granting you custody and visitation, and determining child support. For more information on each of those topics, see our pages on custody and visitation and child support, but we’ll go into more detail below.
Father’s Rights to Custody
Fathers have a strong legal right to their children. 25 O.S. § 2001 et seq. Courts are required to award custody and visitation of a child between parties in paternity cases. 43 O.S. § 109. Courts must consider the best interests of the minor child. Daniel v. Daniel, 2001 OK 17. Fathers in divorces benefit from the state’s presumed policy of equal access and shared decision-making of minor children in divorces and separation. 43 O.S. § 110.1. Unfortunately, this presumption does not extend to unmarried couples. Snyder v. League, 2024 OK CIV APP 21.
Courts want dads involved in their kids’ lives, but 2 things stand in the way: a domestic violence allegation and time away from your child. An allegation, true or not, can change the entire case, so if you think your ex might make one, call an attorney before she files, and read our post on how domestic violence affects custody. Time away is the other problem. The longer it runs, the more a judge will ask why, and attorneys will pounce. They will ask: “What have you done to see your child?” “Why didn’t you file sooner?” “Why didn’t you check on your kid?” These questions resonate with judges and can have a significant impact on a father’s case.
There is a script on the other side, and attorneys hear it all the time: that a father hasn’t been alone with their kid, hasn’t changed a diaper, or that the kid isn’t ready to be away from their mom. Other common refrains include concerns about breastfeeding a child, lack of clothes, or any number of other little things that may smear a dad. Courts are fully aware of these types of refrains, and most will dismiss them outright. If your ex is making these claims against you, call an attorney to pursue an aggressive case strategy to enforce your visitation rights. Remember, the sooner you act, the better your position. Courts will often put fathers in “standard visitation schedules,” which are every other weekend in a lot of counties, if they are away for work or do not see their kids for extended periods of time.
Fathers and Child Support
In Oklahoma, part of a father’s right to his minor children is the obligation that he support the child. 10 O.S. § 83. The state enforces this right through child support, which is the legal payment of money from one parent to the other to cover their portion of supporting the minor child. 43 O.S. § 118. Under Oklahoma law, the child support guidelines are presumed to be the correct amount of support that a parent is required to pay for their minor child. 43 O.S. § 118. It is extremely difficult to persuade a court to order a lesser payment, and it rarely happens. Additionally, there is no way to track that child support payments are actually applied towards the care of a child. The court cannot, and does not, track what the receiving party purchases, and a party who does not pay child support can be punished by contempt and an order to pay attorney’s fees.
Bear in mind that a mom is statutorily prohibited from withholding visitation for failure to pay child support. 43 O.S. § 111.1.
Often, fathers are awarded child support. This can happen for any number of reasons: if the father is the parent who primarily has the child, if the mother is a higher earner than the father, if the father has the minor child on his health insurance, etc. Child support is not presumed to be solely the father’s burden. Both parties share equal responsibility for minor children.
Cases can include what are called arrears, or back pay. Back pay is child support that was not paid but could have been ordered starting from 2 years prior to the month of filing, or from the month of birth to present, whichever is shorter. 10 O.S. § 83. Child support arrears are tallied and usually divided over 36 months and added on top of child support payments. If you are determined to owe $20,000 in arrears, for example, a court is likely to take that number and divide it by 36. That would add $555.56 in back pay to each month’s child support payments on top of what is ordered. This can be financially straining, and an attorney is able to help you lower your monthly back pay payment or negotiate reducing the arrears.
Sometimes dads do things like buy diapers, wipes, clothes, pay expenses, etc., for the minor child. Do they get a credit for these things? Sometimes. It can be extremely expensive to try and get credits for these payments. It will often involve a hearing and forensic review to determine what amounts were paid, when, and what for. Additionally, the amount that is paid for necessities often makes minimal, if any, dent in arrears. Talk to an attorney about the best way to mitigate arrears.
When My Ex and I Are Getting Along
Many men try to keep the peace when they and their ex are getting along, thinking that in so doing, they’ll get more access to their kids. Sometimes moms will even agree to sign and notarize an agreement that outlines custody and visitation. While these types of agreements can show that a father was seeing his child, they are not enforceable. They cannot adjudicate paternity. They cannot undo child support payments.
When parents start fighting, often the first thing a mom will do is withhold the child and tell them, “You need to go to court to see your kids.” When your ex says this, act soon. Cases can take weeks to get to a temporary order hearing, and she has no incentive to let you see your child until then.
The best time to file is when parties agree. That way a custody and visitation schedule is established and the parties have an enforceable baseline that they can deviate from when they agree. A good attorney will treat your ex with respect and patience, and will discuss your goals and the hope to reach an agreement in a way that preserves your equilibrium. Croslin Law has ample experience handling such matters.
Conclusion
A father who does not act early can end up living by a schedule someone else wrote for him. This affects everything, from his ability to make decisions for his child to the amount he can be owed. As we can see, starting a case sooner rather than later has major benefits and can be the difference between sole custody and joint custody. Fathers do not have to be on the sidelines of their children’s lives, and courts will reward fathers who demonstrate a desire to be present. Call Croslin Law today to see how you can start a custody and visitation case.